You're My First, My Last, My Everything by Barry White

I'm not a fan of the late Walrus of Love (although you've got to have some respect for that hairdo, pictured.) In fact, I could comfortably put most of his songs in this spiteful blog, but have chosen 'You're My First...' because it tends to plague the airways more than the others. Hard to say exactly why I dislike this so much, but it has something to do with White's loud and warbling style and the big, unnecessary supporting Love Unlimited Orchestra. There is something very same-y about big Bazza as well - and when you've heard one, you've heard them all, which also makes him a tough one to encounter in a pub pop quiz...

Crap lyrics: " You're like a fresh morning dew on a brand new day" (what, wet?)

Verdict: It's hard to imagine that Barry actually felt this way about anything except for the cake trolley...