At the River by Groove Armada

It's a rare thing when a song either makes you feel sleepy or nauseous, but 'At the River' does both. You might not think you know it, but the lyrics "if you're fond of sand dunes and salty air" might ring an unpleasant bell. When I listen to this I get an indefinable bad feeling - as though I'm being brainwashed or hynoptised. In fact, this track could be used as an alternative to physical torture, so exteme is its ability to annoy in a subversive sort of way. The fact is, 'At the River' is just too damn slow. It's like going for a walk with an old person who seems to be able to walk at a speed that isn't humanly possible. Some people would call the vocals soothing, but I would call them repetitive and slightly sinister. This song is like one of those surreal bad dreams that you keep having and can't work out why - certain quite normal things are present, but the way they're presented has you waking up very relieved that it's not real. Unless you've got the CD in your collection. And then it's clearly your fault.

Crap lyrics: (in fact, the only lyrics) "If you're fond of sand dunes and salty air/Quaint little villages here and there"

Verdict: Whichever quaint little villages they're talking about, you know you'd get there and discover it was the village of the damned...