Sylvia's Mother by Dr Hook

This song always reminds me of 'Living Next Door to Alice' by Smokie; it's got that same desperate and depressing feel to it. I think it's probably supposed to be a parody on the teenage heartbreak songs of the early '60s, but it actually succeeds in being annoying on its own merit. Like 'Alice', it's about a boy who's losing a girl, but the boy in 'Sylvia's Mother' has the added complication of having to negotiate with the operator from the telephone company. If the operator kept saying to me "40 cents more for the next 3 minutes", I would either have to yell at him, swear at him or decide that I didn't care that much about Sylvia anyway. And the whole thing is so goddamned miserable and maudlin that it's hard to imagine that this painful phonecall is actually worth it; he should let Sylvia marry whoever she wants to, tell her patronising mother to shove it and start fixating on the girl who lives next door...oh, sorry, that's the other song, isn't it?

Crap lyrics: "Sylvia's mother says Sylvia's hurryin'/She's catchin' the nine o'clock train/Sylvia's mother says "Take your umbrella/'Cause Sylvia, it's startin' to rain"

Verdict: 40 cents for 3 minutes? Sounds like a bargain in the red-light district...