Arthur's Theme by Christopher Cross

Before a pre-pubescent Kriss Kross began wearing their clothes backwards in the early '90s, there was Christopher Cross who...er...was nothing like. Peaking in the yuppie era and specialising in incredibly light-weight wussy soft-rock, Cross was always something of an oddity - did that ludicrous falsetto really come from that curly-headed 'heavy-set' man? 'Ride Like the Wind' is still, unfortunately, a perennial on MOR radio stations, but it's the Academy Award-winning (what?!) 'Arthur's Theme (Best That You Can Do)' that gets my vote in the Bad Songs stakes. Can you believe that it took four people, Cross included, to write this sentimental drivel? I haven't seen 'Arthur', but what does it actually mean to be caught between the moon and New York City? Does it mean that you're somewhere suspended in the stratosphere trying not to breathe in the city pollution? I know that they're trying to write about a sensitive subject, but all of that becomes lost in a mire of soppiness and emotion - and Cross' weedy crooning pushes it right over the edge into the doldrums of music hell.

Crap lyrics: "If you get caught between the Moon and New York City/The best that you can do ....../The best that you can do is fall in love"

Verdict: Someone get that man a pair of loose-fitting slacks!

(Thanks to www.rhapsody.com for the borrowed pic of the lovely Chris)