Fix You by Coldplay

We've reached a sad day in the history of popular music when Coldplay are considered Britain's best rock band. All that tells people is that British rock is bland and trite. Harsh, but I'm afraid it's true. Coldplay started off as mildly irritating ('Yellow' - rhyming dictionary alert!), but now Chris Martin has begun his bid to save the world and be the next Bono they have completely lost their rock credentials. I've always found Martin's plaintive whine pretty annoying, but it reaches previously unchartered depths of awfulness with 'Fix You'. Most of Coldplay's oevre falls squarely into the self-pitying, anguished category, with Martin trilling about the apparent pain in his life (millions of pounds, Hollywood actress girlfriend, mmm...) and how life is so difficult (again, millions of pounds...) And 'Fix You' sounds as though it's supposed to get faster and more rocky, but actually just never gets going and is just a bit of a tiring dirge, complete with church organ noises and Martin attempting to hit high notes that Celine Dion would struggle with. Terrible, senseless lyrics too, but more of that next...

Crap lyrics: "Lights will guide you home/And ignite your bones" (Ignite your bones? Is that really a good idea?)

Verdict: When people or animals are 'fixed', it usually means they're being castrated or having the 'snip'. Is this what Chris Martin is proposing?!